A Solitary Life Even as the Pandy Ebbs

I’ve been spending what feels like a spectacular amount of time solitary, all alone these past few months, and it has lost the charm it once had.  During the height of the pandemic of 2020, it all felt fine to hunker down, day after day, night after night.  I spent the first half of 2020 living nearly all the time at Mary’s condo in Greenfield, and when I’d come down here the solitude had a heady feeling, it was new, and it was ok.

Solitary Life

This time, though, in 2021, it’s been too long, I’ve spent so much time with no one else around that I’m growing weary of it. I miss having someone else’s small noises around me, small subtle hints of other people’s presence.

I think a lot of what growing up is all about is accepting these times of solitude, more solitude than you ever thought you would be able to accept.  Alone again, naturally, as the sad song goes.

I find funny little quirks in this solitude. Like I can never think of a song to play when I ask Alexa to play something. I can never come up with a song, an album, or a playlist. My mind blanks, it’s just that there is too much choice. I often don’t know what to do with myself.

I find too, that cooking, I make way too much food, and I should remember that no one is going to eat my leftovers. Keep that in mind!

I tried rushing back into my familiar life of parties, and people coming over to visit, and arranged for a garden party. But the day of the event, it was about 44 degrees out and rainy, clearly, not the time for an outdoor shindig. But some people I could tell felt that even though the ban has been lifted, they’re still not down. It takes time, and we are all different. I learn this again and again in 2021.

So I’m moving the date and hoping people can come when the garden is glorious in the late day sun.  I’m kind of trying to steer in a different direction with this party, inviting more of the people who I don’t see that much instead of my regular crowd.

Rich Cahillane's backyard, where we played music. solitary.
Rich Cahillane’s backyard, where we played music.

I’m heartened that I was able to rustle up a poker game today, another day when the temps will be in the dreary 60s,  and the skies remain leaden grey.

I’ve taken on a few new house projects during this solitary period.  First up is replacing the crumbling, concrete stairs outside the kitchen.  I’ve met with a local carpenter, and am hoping to get started on this pretty soon. I’m also looking into taking up the badly chipped cement and replacing it with sealed stones.

And downstairs in the basement, outside of that dusty, unused office, is a mess that I’m fixing up too. I bought some large steel shelves that I hope to put all of this sample stuff I get, to keep it easier to find and better organized as it’s sold. This will make another room upstairs cleared and ready for someone to sleep in.

I got a phone message on Friday from the Turkish Tourism office in New York City.

I’m not sure but I am guessing this might be an invitation to visit Turkey again, and by God, they’ll get a quick HELL YES! out of my if this is indeed what they are calling about. Nope, no trip ever emerged from this call.

I’ve never felt as willing and able to take off on a trip of any length as I do right now. I feel like work has never been more adaptable to travel, with the way we are earning revenue from the advertising, there is no big need for me to be making sales calls and trying to support large campaigns. If they come, great, but I am now able to do just about anything remotely, so my office is gathering dust.

Today I’m playing poker at a friend’s apartment.  It’s always fun to gather with these men, with whom I have been playing poker for more than 15 years.  Love my old pals.