The Lymphoma Inside Me

This is one of those topics I’m not wild about sharing, but it’s kind of a big deal so share I must.  I last spoke to my blog readers about this in November last year when I had a check-up that went well and all was ok.  Now the area in my upper thigh where my cancer first showed itself is getting bigger, and so is my anxiety about the disease.

I have always been able to remain sort of stoic about my cancer. It’s lymphoma, called SSL or CLL, small cell and slow growing.  I have been reassured by my doc that this is not going to kill me, so every time I get worried I have to go back and say that mantra again.  When I last saw my oncologist last week, he suggested that this recent growth wasn’t a big problem, but I should have a Pet scan done again.

So despite my total fear of finding out, I’ll indeed have to find out, when this week I will slide into the machine and have to take the temperature of my lymphoma.  The doc told me that last time, it was only giving off a 9, which is not strong, but should it be hotter this time, we’ll have to do a biopsy and maybe treatment.  I took great solace when he said he didn’t think it would be that bad, based on the blood.

But it’s a tough time waiting for results, perhaps harder than getting them, this anticipation and time between knowing the next step.  I make myself feel better by thinking about how common cancer is, and how many people have survived. What else can I do except try to use the odds and the good things I’ve been told about my kind of cancer?