His Dad Sent a Hooker to Try and Set Him Straight
Tom Devine is a blogger’s blogger. He posts more frequently than anyone I know, and it’s all usually interesting. Today I read on his blog about one of his few experiences having heterosexual sex.
“One thing led to another, and soon we were kissing, hugging, our hands and mouths going everywhere. She was teasing my earlobe with her tongue when she whispered, “I’m gonna f**k you straight!” I laughed, but I didn’t resist.
She really got into it. All of her inhibitions seemed to melt away as she became a totally sexual being that seemed to exist for only one purpose – to provide me with sexual pleasure. Nothing was taboo, nothing was refused or withheld in the total surrender of her body to the single goal of bringing me to orgasm through heterosexual means.
It worked. By that I mean she finally got me to cum in spite of my drunken queerness. But of course my lust for her didn’t last past that night, and neither did she. When I got up the next morning she was gone. No good-bye, no note, just gone. I almost thought it was all just a weird erotic dream, but then how did I end up nude in this strange hotel?
When later that day I saw my companions of the previous evening, they confirmed the existence of my lover, a woman who they said had mysteriously appeared at our table. I also discovered to my surprise that she had been discreetly urging my friends to leave us behind so that we could be alone. I hadn’t realized that she was the reason that my friends had all left early and without telling me.
The whole incident was pretty mysterious to me, until one day a while afterwards I made a startling discovery. I won’t give any details of how I found out, because that would be awkward for people who I don’t want to hurt, but in any case I later discovered that the girl who had surrendered to me with such abandon that night was a prostitute!
More than that, she was actually working the night she made herself my sex slave. And more than even that – most shocking of all – was the discovery that the person who had paid for the prostitute was my own father!
Imagine my emotions when I discovered that my own Dad had bought this prostitute in a Springfield bar, and paid her to come up to Amherst to find his son, who he was afraid was becoming “a fairy” and having given her the instructions to “f**k him straight.” Wow, what a thing to deal with emotionally!
Of course it didn’t work, I’m genetically programed to be queer and a mansion full of Playboy bunnies couldn’t change that. There’s also the environmental factors, what Allen Ginsberg called in his poem Howl “mountains of cock and canyons of ass” built up in my psyche by all the homosex I’d had since I was twelve years old. That sexual conditioning can’t be erased in one night.
But I don’t think my Dad completely wasted his money. I did have fun, and I look back and I’m glad that I had a chance to really have my way with a woman with no restrictions. I’m not sure that would’ve ever happened to me with quite that degree of lasciviousness had someone not paid to make it happen. So thanks Dad, I appreciate the gesture, however futile.”