Christmas Blues in the 413

I can’t say I am excited, happy, or festive at this time of the year. It’s Christmas, so rife with memories, mostly good,not happy  but all gone down the river that flows behind me. So much of my life has slipped behind me, in that churning never stopping river of time. I just feel alone, anxious and in need of some company.  I know, I know, I do see my friends, but I just want a girlfriend again.

I woke up two nights ago, alarmed, panicked, and simply anxious.  It took half an Ambien to calm me and give me a path to get back to sleep.  Having Tony purring next to me helped a little. Last night it was at 6 am, too early to rise on a Saturday but I felt compelled when I was struck with anxiety and fear about staying in bed any longer. No, it would be better to get up and start doing the things I do in my morning routine, however early.

I am not in a good place, I am feeling rejected.  I’m trying not to take it personally but it sure feels like it isn’t working out.

I’ve ordered some custom holiday gifts that never arrived today at the P.O., so the next time I can get them is Tuesday. Ugh.  At least that aspect of the holiday is really less stressful, I have two grandchildren to buy for and they send me what they want and I wrap it.  For Sam, I have some interesting sample jackets that I got for him, and that custom item is for three different people.