Sometimes I Worry Too Much About My Friendships
Friendships mean a lot to me. I think maybe more than to me than to most people. I find myself torn when someone invites me to something and always feel I need to find a way to go….but often travel and other commitments force a no.
But force is the right word. I just don’t like disappointing people who want to socialize with me. I am distinctly different from most people, in that they seem to be able to say no much easier than I can.
This predilection to not want to say no gets me into trouble sometimes. My partner is often quick to tell me that no, that we’re not going to that concert, or no, that party isn’t going to happen. Then my worst side rears its head and I get angry. Problems ensue with friendships.
I had a wonderful experience last night with a friend I’ve been trying to keep in touch with without success. As a measure of how hard I try and the futility of it all, I looked back on my messages, those time and date stamped missives that mark when stuff happened.
I last saw my long-lost pal, who I’ll call X, in March 2015. We had breakfast at the Roost. Then I tried over the course of many moons to scare up another get together. No. Never could make it happen. I began to wonder, ‘why am I doing this? Why do I persist?’
The reason is that I really like my pal X and I know he likes me. He’s just busy. But I don’t feel that busy. I just think that making time for friends is more important than whatever else it is that people say keeps them busy.
I sometimes worry about another friend….whether he’d call me at all if I didn’t always call him. I think he would not. But then as I was on board the plane returning from England, he messaged me out of the blue. “Let’s get together. I want to see you!” WOW!
So last night we had a wonderful reunion….X is now driving a great new car, he’s contemplating a possible new gig, and his life is going very well. But in his refreshing way, he wanted to know about me. How am I doing? He made sure to reach out and ask. I appreciate that, and I filled him in as best I could.
I think we’re back in business, our friendship has been rejuvenated. Nothing could make me happier.