What Men Really Want from the Internet

Today I drove to Easthampton to pick up a new sidewalk sandwich sign painted by Jill MacFarlane. While I was at a cafe I picked up the Valley Advocate, and chuckled through a cover story by Annabel Lee, chronicling 100 Internet dates. Here is the ending:

“I’m not sure what conclusion to draw from all this. As I said before, I’m pretty sure you could do worse, and maybe better. But remember one thing: The Internet is all about past failures, projection, and panic. Think of your potential dates as people whose flights have been cancelled. They’re in the airport, stranded, in a towering rage. They’re screaming at the attendants behind the counter. They’re demanding a hotel room, a rental car, another flight out the same night. Their frustration threshold was crossed yesterday.

Men approach their internet dating differently than women. Men, remember, are people who never felt they got enough sex in high school and college. They never got to bag those willowy girls with little round asses and long hair, the girls who flicked their glossy locks over their shoulders when they laughed. Most men feel they got trapped into monogomy much too early, then were nagged and henpecked all through their relationships and marriages. The Internet is their chance to settle a grudge. Do you want to help them achieve that goal?”