Tony Gabriele of the Daily Press in Hampton Roads VA provides some excellent reasons why newspapers are still superior to other media.
“Newspapers are handy things to grab for soaking up spilled coffee, or grease splatters in the kitchen. I think “Soaks up grease better than Bill O’Reilly!” should be a national newspaper advertising slogan.
If there’s a power failure, you can’t surf the Internet by candlelight.
You can’t use your computer to start a fire in the fireplace. Well, maybe you could, but the smoke would smell funny.
I suppose you could also cover the floor with TV sets to catch the drips when you’re painting the walls, but spread-out newspapers are much easier to walk around on.
You never have to worry your kids are spending too many hours reading the newspaper.
Sure, you can download and save TV shows nowadays. But you can’t attach them to the refrigerator with cute little Garfield magnets.
You can swat flies with a rolled-up newspaper. Rolling up your TV set and swatting flies with it probably will void the warranty.
And if you live in an apartment, you never have to bang on the ceiling and complain because the people living above you are reading their newspaper too loudly after midnight.
Four things you are not threatened by while reading your newspaper: spyware, spam, phishing and viruses.
And seriously, folks: When there are no more newspapers, just where do you suppose the Internet will get its news from?